Two years ago I made the choice to do the right thing instead of the easy thing. I left my husband of nearly 6 years, he was my first, the only person I had been with since I turned 18. I left not because I didn't want to be married to him anymore, I left because I was in danger.
I happened to be at the right time at the right place and met with someone who showed the cycle of abuse. She told me something that changed my life that day. On average an abused woman will go back 7 times. I made up my mind right then that I wouldn't do that. It wasn't that I didn't want to go back, I really thought that he could change. The one thing I knew is that I couldn't go back until he did change. I didn't at that time realize the severity of the relationship I was in. I hadn't shared all of what had happened because I was afraid that people would see my imperfect world. I had an image to keep up and I couldn't do that if people knew what was really going on in my world.
I remember years before I had shared with a friend but she didn't share my faith so I didn't listen to her. I didn't talk to anyone who shared my faith until it got to the point where I couldn't hide it anymore. It was starting to escalate. It had seemed fine for a while but in the blink of an eye everything changed. Before I left I thought I could talk, say something that would help him to realize what was going on. He acknowledged there were problems, but not the one that was staring me in the face.
I spent a week trying to reconcile in my mind who this man I had married was. I had been in denial for so long that I had hidden what he was. When I realized who he was it still took time for me to get the guts to leave. I had two children with this man and he was now the enemy.
Waking up in the morning to hands around my neck was what it took. I wanted a sign, something that would tell me to get out there, that was it. I won't say that I left and I never looked back. I looked back, I wavered, I cried, I was heart broken, and then numb. I wanted him to get help, I wanted us to be a family again, but he never changed. He told me sweet lies, tried to tell me he had changed but I could see it wasn't true.
I had seen cases of domestic violence in my life, heard the stories. I said if a man ever hit me I would be out of there. I wish it was that easy. There is so much more that goes into it than a black eye. The emotional and mental abuse take pieces of you away. The woman that is left behind is just a shell of who she used to be. There is no reason for a woman or man to ever be subject to domestic violence. The controller often says that you will be in trouble for getting help. That you let them abuse you so there is nothing you can do. DON'T LISTEN!!! There is help, people are willing to help if you speak out. It isn't always easy but it's easier than living an abused life.
1. Know what abuse is...it's more than physical
2. Get out of the situation
3. Find a support system and heal
If you find yourself in an abusive situation the links above will help you recognize the signs and get help. If you are not ready to leave make sure you delete your computer history, and please keep yourself safe.
I happened to be at the right time at the right place and met with someone who showed the cycle of abuse. She told me something that changed my life that day. On average an abused woman will go back 7 times. I made up my mind right then that I wouldn't do that. It wasn't that I didn't want to go back, I really thought that he could change. The one thing I knew is that I couldn't go back until he did change. I didn't at that time realize the severity of the relationship I was in. I hadn't shared all of what had happened because I was afraid that people would see my imperfect world. I had an image to keep up and I couldn't do that if people knew what was really going on in my world.
I remember years before I had shared with a friend but she didn't share my faith so I didn't listen to her. I didn't talk to anyone who shared my faith until it got to the point where I couldn't hide it anymore. It was starting to escalate. It had seemed fine for a while but in the blink of an eye everything changed. Before I left I thought I could talk, say something that would help him to realize what was going on. He acknowledged there were problems, but not the one that was staring me in the face.
I spent a week trying to reconcile in my mind who this man I had married was. I had been in denial for so long that I had hidden what he was. When I realized who he was it still took time for me to get the guts to leave. I had two children with this man and he was now the enemy.
Waking up in the morning to hands around my neck was what it took. I wanted a sign, something that would tell me to get out there, that was it. I won't say that I left and I never looked back. I looked back, I wavered, I cried, I was heart broken, and then numb. I wanted him to get help, I wanted us to be a family again, but he never changed. He told me sweet lies, tried to tell me he had changed but I could see it wasn't true.
I had seen cases of domestic violence in my life, heard the stories. I said if a man ever hit me I would be out of there. I wish it was that easy. There is so much more that goes into it than a black eye. The emotional and mental abuse take pieces of you away. The woman that is left behind is just a shell of who she used to be. There is no reason for a woman or man to ever be subject to domestic violence. The controller often says that you will be in trouble for getting help. That you let them abuse you so there is nothing you can do. DON'T LISTEN!!! There is help, people are willing to help if you speak out. It isn't always easy but it's easier than living an abused life.
1. Know what abuse is...it's more than physical
2. Get out of the situation
3. Find a support system and heal
If you find yourself in an abusive situation the links above will help you recognize the signs and get help. If you are not ready to leave make sure you delete your computer history, and please keep yourself safe.
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