Happy New Year

My daughter sat watching out in the window in awe as our fireworks were lit. As each one came to it's end it never seemed to be enough. "More Papa! More Papa!" She yelled until the next one was lit. Squeals of delight rang out as they went off. It was a happy new year and there I sat holding back tears.
I can't say if it was from sheer exhaustion or emotion of what I have been through the last year. As I watched the ball drop and the camera pan to all the couples kissing my heart sunk. I kissed my kids and thanked God that they were there with me to ring in the new year. I didn't expect to have this feeling.
You would think through all the holidays that we have been through that this would be okay, the New Year isn't like a huge holiday but it's significance holds us in. The dawning of a New Year. We look back at our lives and see what we have been through and it can scare us, bring us joy, a little bit of everything.
My new year is not what I expected, I didn't expect to be where I am. 2010 I had it all, the perfect family some would say. The house, two cars, two kids and the big screen TV. To the rest of the world it would seem that I had it made and in my own mind I thought I did.
My world has turned upside down, I don't even have my own place. The material things are all gone and I am starting over from scratch. I have come so far and my journey is not through yet. I still have a story to write and the ending is not clear. I will never know the end but as far as this chapter it is to be continued.
This year has been wonderful for me already and we are only 2 days in. I know that it will continue to get better and I will see changes in my life. I know that God brings everything about in his time and all I have to do is be patient and trust.