The new year has begun and with it the changes that we vow to make year after year. We promise that we will do things that we never got around too last year. We will lose weight, finish what we started, get the promotion, advance our lives. Empty promises that we make to ourselves. It's not often that we follow through on the promises. It may work for a little while but we fall back into all of the same routines and by the end of the year we wonder what happened.
I felt the pressure myself at the end of the year. I didn't like how I looked in the mirror. My sit down job caused a thigh spread that isn't particularly flattering. My stomach isn't as flat as it used to be, the difference between a size 2 and a 4. The urge to start anew with the new year is tempting. You think if you can just make it to the new year that things will be different.
There is no magic new year, it may be the start of a new year but it's just another day. There is always another excuse and another procrastination is just around the corner. It may last a week, a month but the newness of the new year wears off. The resolutions we write down are put aside, lost and forgotten. We promise to start the next day, the next Monday when we remember.
I look back at my blog a year ago and the words jumped off the page. I remember where I was and what I was doing when the new year rolled around. I was spending it with my family and my children. It was harder for me when 2011 rolled around. It was my first new year alone in 8 years. My children were there with me but there was a piece of me that felt so alone. I started the new year grieving, not for what I lost but what I was supposed to have.
My resolutions last year were very simple and I was able to achieve all of them but one. The one I didn't achieve I can still get but I'm not so sure I want too (new car=new car payment). I got the job that I love, I moved into my own place, and I was freed. I became a new person during the year. My life is not what it was a year ago. The true change in me was something I couldn't have resolved to do if I tried, it's just something that happened.
What are my resolutions this year? This year I honestly don't have any. I have goals, these goals are only achievable because I didn't wait to start on a new year but because I started. Four years ago to the day I had my second miscarriage. It was the turning point in my life, that was when I made my resolutions to change my life. I was determined to do it and I started. I had plenty of excuses, plenty of reasons not to do it but at the young age of 23 I knew I needed to change.
I weighed 218 pounds, when I laid down my neck fat made breathing difficult. Looking back to where I was at the time, the pregnancy could have killed me. I started losing weight and after a 20 pound loss got pregnant with my daughter. I didn't forget what happened and I was determined to live life differently. I only gained 30 pounds with her. After my pregnancy life changed and I started my weight loss journey nearly a year after my resolution. It was a day by day journey for 8 months and 90 pounds. That is what makes my goal of wearing a bikini a possibility, even still my modesty may deter it.
After my 8 months of weight loss I started school, I wanted to help other people who had been where I was. I piled on 9 credits and started school full force. I maintained it and even though it has been difficult and I have been tempted to give up, and did on one class, I have kept going. My grades enough to keep me in Phi Theta Kappa and finish another goal. This summer I will have my Nutrition certificate.
These are my goals, my resolutions as you will. I am determined to live each day as I have lived in the last year. Taking one day at a time, living one moment at a time. I look back and I am able to say that 2011 was a good year, even though there were hard times. I am happy, I love my life and I am thankful for all that God has blessed me with. As long as I keep trusting him this year will be better than the last.
I felt the pressure myself at the end of the year. I didn't like how I looked in the mirror. My sit down job caused a thigh spread that isn't particularly flattering. My stomach isn't as flat as it used to be, the difference between a size 2 and a 4. The urge to start anew with the new year is tempting. You think if you can just make it to the new year that things will be different.
There is no magic new year, it may be the start of a new year but it's just another day. There is always another excuse and another procrastination is just around the corner. It may last a week, a month but the newness of the new year wears off. The resolutions we write down are put aside, lost and forgotten. We promise to start the next day, the next Monday when we remember.
I look back at my blog a year ago and the words jumped off the page. I remember where I was and what I was doing when the new year rolled around. I was spending it with my family and my children. It was harder for me when 2011 rolled around. It was my first new year alone in 8 years. My children were there with me but there was a piece of me that felt so alone. I started the new year grieving, not for what I lost but what I was supposed to have.
My resolutions last year were very simple and I was able to achieve all of them but one. The one I didn't achieve I can still get but I'm not so sure I want too (new car=new car payment). I got the job that I love, I moved into my own place, and I was freed. I became a new person during the year. My life is not what it was a year ago. The true change in me was something I couldn't have resolved to do if I tried, it's just something that happened.
What are my resolutions this year? This year I honestly don't have any. I have goals, these goals are only achievable because I didn't wait to start on a new year but because I started. Four years ago to the day I had my second miscarriage. It was the turning point in my life, that was when I made my resolutions to change my life. I was determined to do it and I started. I had plenty of excuses, plenty of reasons not to do it but at the young age of 23 I knew I needed to change.
I weighed 218 pounds, when I laid down my neck fat made breathing difficult. Looking back to where I was at the time, the pregnancy could have killed me. I started losing weight and after a 20 pound loss got pregnant with my daughter. I didn't forget what happened and I was determined to live life differently. I only gained 30 pounds with her. After my pregnancy life changed and I started my weight loss journey nearly a year after my resolution. It was a day by day journey for 8 months and 90 pounds. That is what makes my goal of wearing a bikini a possibility, even still my modesty may deter it.
After my 8 months of weight loss I started school, I wanted to help other people who had been where I was. I piled on 9 credits and started school full force. I maintained it and even though it has been difficult and I have been tempted to give up, and did on one class, I have kept going. My grades enough to keep me in Phi Theta Kappa and finish another goal. This summer I will have my Nutrition certificate.
These are my goals, my resolutions as you will. I am determined to live each day as I have lived in the last year. Taking one day at a time, living one moment at a time. I look back and I am able to say that 2011 was a good year, even though there were hard times. I am happy, I love my life and I am thankful for all that God has blessed me with. As long as I keep trusting him this year will be better than the last.
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