We sit and wait, wait for what is to come, wait for what we have to do next, we spend most of our life waiting. I find myself waiting and it's making me restless. This week I watched my younger brother graduate from college when I myself am only 7 classes away. I was proud of him, he was grinning from ear to ear, not something I usually see on his face. His accomplishment made me just want to get to the finish line all the sooner. However the choices I have made in my life keep me from crossing that line just yet. It's only 7 classes but it will take me about a year and a half because I have other things I have to do in my life.
The restlessness translates into other areas of my life and it's hard not to be lonely. Today is a hard day to be alone, a day made to celebrate all that mothers do and I am on my own. I'm not the only one, there are others who are in the same situation as I am, or even worse. Even with the support and love of my family coming home to an empty house is not easy.
My Pastor had an awesome message today that helped remind me it's not about the here and now but the bigger picture. He spoke about Leah, the unloved wife of Jacob who became the mother of nations, who left a legacy that outlived her. I want that for my life, I don't want to live for the here and now. I don't want to settle for what I can get. I want to strive for the best even if it's hard, even if I have to wait.
I love the song by Audrey Assad called Restless, "I am restless until I rest in you." Even in the busyness of my life, the day to day I have to learn to rest. To just let go of the bigger picture, let go of the worries of tomorrow and focus on today. Today I have learned to just be me, to not worry that I can't finish all of my classes in one semester, to not be afraid to be alone. I wait for God's best, I may be restless but I'm only human. I know that if I continue on the path set before me that God will work all things out for the best. It may not be just the way I thought it would work out, it may not be perfect but I wait, and rest.
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