My Scarlet Letter

   I have been very vague in many of my postings because I know that once I put it out there it will be out there for all the world to see. I have guarded myself in certain situations because I don't want to be judged or looked down upon. You can guess from reading my past blogs that I have been through some stuff and it hasn't all been easy. That would be the truth.
   I am in the proceedings of a divorce and will once again be legally single. It's difficult because people judge easily without knowing the circumstance. I don't recommend for anyone to get a divorce but for me it came to the point of necessity. My life has been one of learning to live on my own and cope. A year ago I thought it was impossible to be where I am today but I found that I am blessed.
   It is not because I am getting a divorce that I am blessed but because I am doing the best I can to follow God's will for my life. I know that it is controversial and people would say that it's wrong. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be where I am today if God's hand was not in my life. I am getting a divorce. It's been hard for me to even say but this is my moment of truth.
   It is still hard to live with that stigma of being a divorced woman. I can say that I had my faults in my marriage but I wanted very much for it to work out. I thought that if you at least liked a person that you could make it work out no matter what. I found out that is not the case. There is so much more that makes a person your partner for life.
   It's very hard to write this but I feel like I need to get it out. I feel the pressure of the word in my life. I am not supposed to be divorced, I was supposed to be happily ever after married. It's like the scarlet letter on my chest. It's obvious to the world that I have failed in this huge way. If I failed in this how can they know that I won't fail again? It changes the way the world looks at me. The perfectionist that I am hates that I am tied to this.
      It's real and instead of hiding from the world I will wear it. My scarlet letter, I am getting a divorce. I will weather the stares, the whispers, the gossip that comes with it. I will not deny my part in my failure. So here I am, standing with my scarlet letter no easier to hide than the tattoo on my back. I know I will be judged. God will judge and if you must judge me get to know me, ask me why, I am not afraid.