I know who I am

I have struggled with a long time to know who I am. It's kind of cliché to say that you need to find yourself but it's true. It's not that you are lost but unless you know yourself you feel that way. I can truly say that I now know who I am. It's more than just a statement of where I am at in my life it's about me.

When you are a child you know what you like and that is that. My favorite color was blue, I loved pizza because every kid loves pizza, I wanted to be an actress, a singer, a writer. I wanted to be famous, make lots of money, live in a mansion, and have someone else clean my house. Sounds like a cushy life. Then I had to grow up.

I knew that I wanted to go to college but I didn't know what I wanted to do. I had thought about doing personal training but I didn't think I could make that a career. At 18 that probably wasn't the smartest decision I made but not the worst either. I was truly lost for a number of years, lost in the shuffle of life.  I was forced to be the person that I was not. Forced by myself to please others and in the process lost who I was and what I stood for.

The little things in life that we all take for granted are things that I didn't know. Meat for instance, eating it for almost every meal, required at dinner, I hate it. I could eat it if I wanted but I don't really like it, and the choice is mine. I am not against hunting, I would love to try it myself sometime. I am not a tree hugger because I am a vegetarian. 

Blue is still my favorite color, maybe because it is the color of the sky. I love to look at the clouds or watch the stars. I love to fly, I have had a few opportunities to go on work sponsored trips and I loved it. I got to sit at the window and watch the world go by. 

I am a writer, nothing can change that about me but someone sure tried. I have always been a writer. You do not have to write a book to be a writer even though I have done that. I used to write in my diary almost every day when I was a child. I continued to write when I got older but it became an issue because I was taking time away from him to write. I still don't write every day but when I feel the need. Who knows I may publish another novel.

The funny thing about being a singer is that I am. I got older and realized that I didn't want to be a famous singer but would be happy singing at my church. I get to do that and I love it. Plus I am on the radio all the time now, ironic.

I love my job, it's hectic, stressful, unpredictable and I love it. I have found that this is what I always wanted to do. I work crazy hours, my life is not normal because of it and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's not something that you can explain to anyone. I know there are people who find a job or place that they love and they never want to leave. I haven't been at my job for a very long time but it didn't take me long to realize this is where I wanted to retire.

I know who I am, I know what I like. I love to explore and try new things, experience life in different ways. I will send my food back if I'm not happy with it. I will tell anyone about my God and the reason I know who I am. I am happy, I am blessed and whatever comes my way I know who I am because I know who God is.