It's the time of year when I sit back and reflect where I am and where I am going. I do this every year because by the time my birthday rolls around I have long forgotten whatever it is I decided my new years resolution was. It's more than a yearly thing, it's like taking stock of what I have done with my life for the last too many years. When I was 14 I was sure that 30 was really old, and even at that age many of my friends thought they would die before they turned 30, they didn't. I am not yet 30, still have a couple of years but as it gets closer I don't dread it or fear it. Sadly enough there are a few who think I'm already there, but I promise I'm not.
There were so many things that I wanted to do by the time I got to my age, I wanted to have a book published, I wanted to travel the world, and I was not going to get married until I turned 30 (at least that's what I told my aunt.) All my dreams and aspirations as a young girl turned into unfulfilled hopes. I still have so much that I have accomplished and that is what I have to remember. I gave a year and a half of my life growing a new life inside of me. I spent 3 years learning about nutrition and how the body processes each thing. I spent another year and a half fighting for the safety of the children I gave birth too. I pushed through 8 months of weight loss to total 100 pounds and continue to keep it off another 3 years. For 9 years I have gone to work to support myself and my family.
My birthday this year is different, the others past by with little notice and once gone I had forgotten. Those years seem lost in the chaos that was my life. It seemed all of a sudden I looked up and saw 30 looming over me much closer than before, no longer was I mid 20's, it just changed. The hours in the day don't change, the sun doesn't go to bed any sooner, however each day we spend on this earth the days pass by faster. I think of my son who just had his birthday a few months ago, yet he already wants it to be here. The months pass by so slowly at that age, the time we've had is so short that each day seems like forever.
When you look at it that way it totally explains the verse 2 Peter 3:8 "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." With all of time and space behind you, a thousand years is not a long time. It's not something I prefer to try and fathom, I tried it before and it's not easy. At the age of 9 I would take my bible and lay next to the door in my room to get the light from the hall. I would read the bible, I think part of it was I figured if my parents caught me they couldn't get mad at me for reading the bible, that wasn't true. When I didn't get caught I would read, at that young age Revelations intrigued me. I would read it and think about infinity, never ending time. I do not suggest trying it, while the thought on the surface is cool, we are going to live forever, the deeper meaning is scary. Because of my Type-A personality I thought I was always doing something wrong and that I needed to be perfect to get into heaven. This translated into the thought of spending eternity in hell, which probably explains why some things do not phase me now, there is not much scarier than that.
These things I know, that I don't have to be perfect, no matter how hard I try I can't be. If you've met me, you know that I'm not. The only thing I know is that I love God and accept his son as my Savior. This is my guarantee, my free ticket if you will, that at the end of all things I will stand and do the only thing I can. It's my job to live my life to reflect God's love. I'm not the image itself, just a mirror that can be cracked and broken, when that happens I let him put the pieces back together.
There were so many things that I wanted to do by the time I got to my age, I wanted to have a book published, I wanted to travel the world, and I was not going to get married until I turned 30 (at least that's what I told my aunt.) All my dreams and aspirations as a young girl turned into unfulfilled hopes. I still have so much that I have accomplished and that is what I have to remember. I gave a year and a half of my life growing a new life inside of me. I spent 3 years learning about nutrition and how the body processes each thing. I spent another year and a half fighting for the safety of the children I gave birth too. I pushed through 8 months of weight loss to total 100 pounds and continue to keep it off another 3 years. For 9 years I have gone to work to support myself and my family.
My birthday this year is different, the others past by with little notice and once gone I had forgotten. Those years seem lost in the chaos that was my life. It seemed all of a sudden I looked up and saw 30 looming over me much closer than before, no longer was I mid 20's, it just changed. The hours in the day don't change, the sun doesn't go to bed any sooner, however each day we spend on this earth the days pass by faster. I think of my son who just had his birthday a few months ago, yet he already wants it to be here. The months pass by so slowly at that age, the time we've had is so short that each day seems like forever.
When you look at it that way it totally explains the verse 2 Peter 3:8 "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." With all of time and space behind you, a thousand years is not a long time. It's not something I prefer to try and fathom, I tried it before and it's not easy. At the age of 9 I would take my bible and lay next to the door in my room to get the light from the hall. I would read the bible, I think part of it was I figured if my parents caught me they couldn't get mad at me for reading the bible, that wasn't true. When I didn't get caught I would read, at that young age Revelations intrigued me. I would read it and think about infinity, never ending time. I do not suggest trying it, while the thought on the surface is cool, we are going to live forever, the deeper meaning is scary. Because of my Type-A personality I thought I was always doing something wrong and that I needed to be perfect to get into heaven. This translated into the thought of spending eternity in hell, which probably explains why some things do not phase me now, there is not much scarier than that.
These things I know, that I don't have to be perfect, no matter how hard I try I can't be. If you've met me, you know that I'm not. The only thing I know is that I love God and accept his son as my Savior. This is my guarantee, my free ticket if you will, that at the end of all things I will stand and do the only thing I can. It's my job to live my life to reflect God's love. I'm not the image itself, just a mirror that can be cracked and broken, when that happens I let him put the pieces back together.
Beautiful. Thank you
ReplyDelete