Patience is a virtue

There are times when I think I shouldn't write a blog, there are other times when I know I shouldn't and do it anyway, then there are times when I should and I don't. Today I'm not really sure which day that is, so if my writings make no sense today then maybe it's a day I shouldn't have written. The truth is I have been struggling with patience. 

Patience is a virtue. I've heard it all my life and I know that it says I should be patient, but I don't want to! I want what I want and I want it now! We go through our life being told to wait for something, it could be something as small as a drink of water from mom, to dinner until it's ready, for the right job, for the check in the mail. We are always waiting for something. Be patient we are told, over and over. 

Why must we be patient? I know the answer. I know that not everything can be done at certain times. If  I had everything I wanted when I wanted it I would probably be a mess. It's not that I'm not a mess right now but it would be worse. 

We want to win the lottery, have that millions of dollars and live a life of luxury. What happens when you get the money and then spend it all. You are no better off then what you were before, just now perhaps with luxury items you can no longer afford to keep. 

We all have our moments, our things in life that we want, that we don't want to wait for. I want to stamp my feet like a child and yell but I can't, or maybe this blog is my way of throwing a tantrum. I'm not sure right now. I get into my mood and then I'm gently reminded that not too long ago 1 Corinthians 13 was impressed upon my heart. I didn't quite understand it at the time, but I know that when God puts something on your heart, it's for good reason. What did I do? I spent the next couple days thinking about it and writing it over and over. It's once again a gentle reminder that good things are worth waiting for. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

If I have love, the love of God as I claim then I should be patient, because love is patient. God's love is patient. I know that God has a purpose and a plan for my life. If I keep following his direction and be patient, trusting in His love for me that always perseveres I will end up with a happy blessing. There are things in life that you can't rush, that you shouldn't rush. Even as much as we are impatient, patience is more than just a virtue, it's love. Love is patient and always perseveres. That's pretty cool to know our God is faithful if we show a little love. 

Restless

We sit and wait, wait for what is to come, wait for what we have to do next, we spend most of our life waiting. I find myself waiting and it's making me restless. This week I watched my younger brother graduate from college when I myself am only 7 classes away. I was proud of him, he was grinning from ear to ear, not something I usually see on his face. His accomplishment made me just want to get to the finish line all the sooner. However the choices I have made in my life keep me from crossing that line just yet. It's only 7 classes but it will take me about a year and a half because I have other things I have to do in my life.

The restlessness translates into other areas of my life and it's hard not to be lonely. Today is a hard day to be alone, a day made to celebrate all that mothers do and I am on my own. I'm not the only one, there are others who are in the same situation as I am, or even worse. Even with the support and love of my family coming home to an empty house is not easy. 

My Pastor had an awesome message today that helped remind me it's not about the here and now but the bigger picture. He spoke about Leah, the unloved wife of Jacob who became the mother of nations, who left a legacy that outlived her. I want that for my life, I don't want to live for the here and now. I don't want to settle for what I can get. I want to strive for the best even if it's hard, even if I have to wait.

I love the song by Audrey Assad called Restless, "I am restless until I rest in you." Even in the busyness of my life, the day to day I have to learn to rest. To just let go of the bigger picture, let go of the worries of tomorrow and focus on today. Today I have learned to just be me, to not worry that I can't finish all of my classes in one semester, to not be afraid to be alone. I wait for God's best, I may be restless but I'm only human. I know that if I continue on the path set before me that God will work all things out for the best. It may not be just the way I thought it would work out, it may not be perfect but I wait, and rest.