Life is Beautiful

Let me start this off by saying that I have the best boyfriend ever. While you can debate that yours is the best, mine wins for me. The only problem with having the best boyfriend ever is that it made me realize how bad things were before. It took me a while to realize I was realizing this.
I faced a lot of bad things in a short amount of time, at the time I didn't really know better. I had never been in a relationship before so I wasn't sure how things were supposed to work. The people I went to for advice were not the best examples. I thought my life was fairly normal. Then I left him, and I faced what a battle doing what was best for my children. Then being on my own as a single mother, facing the lonely nights and the inevitable questions from the kids, it wasn't easy. I always had God by my side and that and my children kept me going.
After spending time with my boyfriend and being in a relationship that is actually normal it made me realize how hard things were. It made me stop and think about all the things that I had been through that weren't normal, that weren't easy. I never took time to stop and grieve and hurt. I waited until after I had someone who said, it's okay, you don't have to handle it all, to break down.
I spent some time wallowing in my own hurt, without really realizing it. My boyfriend stood beside me, heard my cries, dealt with my emotional break downs and was still there for me. He continues to be there for me. He's been more to me then I could ever have hoped to have. He's been there for my kids, and supports me as a mom. He builds me up when I'm feeling down, and reminds my perfectionist self that I'm only human and that's okay.
Today I am very grateful for this wonderful man in my life and I just want to say thank you.

Giving it up for God

My last blog was about confession, so we know that there are things in our life that we need to get out. The next thing is doing something about it. That is where things get harder and you have to do more then just speak it, you have to take action. I knew that God was calling me to give up something in my life. I didn't want to, it wasn't something I wanted to give up. There are times when you can go about your life trying to ignore what God has to say, but what it does only ends up in further heartbreak and pain.
I've been in a position before where I didn't listen to God's voice and I ended up in a relationship that took me 7 years of pain away from God. It ended very poorly, except for the fact that I got two beautiful children out of it and a lifetime of experience. I knew before I started the relationship that there were signs, I knew things would not end well. I pursued it because I was looking for a relationship and thought that I knew better.
This time around I'm older and wiser, I have spent the last 3 years pursuing what God has for my life and I can tell you I'm no closer today to having all the answers then I was 3 years ago. I just keep doing the next right thing. The next right thing isn't always the easy thing and we all know that. I have to listen to what God is calling me to do, it's living a life that reflects His love.
I had to give over to God what I can't control, which is a lot of things, but it was one thing in particular. I don't have any control over the situation and I don't know where it will go, so I gave it completely up to God. I wanted to keep it close, but the closer I kept it the more it caused me pain. I struggled with going against what God wants for my life and it only brought pain. I'm not perfect and I have never claimed to be, I struggle just like everyone else.
I have heard the verse over and over again, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9 NIV. I know this verse very well and I have times where I get tired. I told my friend I'm tired of being good. The problem is when we give in to our flesh and live only our feelings we make decisions that affect our lives and bring a wall in our relationship with Christ.
I don't want that wall with Christ, my life is no good without God. I've been down that road before and I won't go there again. What do I do now? I gave it over to God, and where do I stand? I'm not sure I stand trying to see the bigger picture and all I have is a puzzle piece and it's not even a corner piece. I'm not sure what the picture is, but I know that I want to continue to reach others for Christ, however it is I can do that. 

What is your life saying?

What is it that I want my life to reflect? I hadn’t really thought of why exactly I do the things that I do until I had to explain why I do things a certain way. The truth is I am aware of what I put forward in my life. I try to show others the love of God in the way that I live. I do my best not to swear, even though I hear it, a lot. I watch what comes out of my mouth and what goes into it because I am that representation of Christ on earth.

I never thought about the way it affected others until recently. I have often heard the verse that we should not be a stumbling block to the others around us. Romans 14:13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead make up your mind not to put any stumbling block of obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. 

My actions are my own, yes; I can choose what I do in my life and with my life. What I can’t do is decide how it affects someone else. Does that mean I live my life to please others? No, it means that I live my life to please God regardless of what others think. It means to be aware of how my life reflects Christ.

I had a moment at work when someone specifically called me out and said they didn’t want something too “Christiany.” I didn’t take any offense to the statement, in fact I was proud. It means that without me outright declaring to my co-workers what I believe in, they know. I’m not afraid to talk about my life, my church and what I do, however I won’t get into a biblical argument with you at work. I don’t usually talk about my faith but it’s enough that it’s known, and it’s because of my actions.

What is it that we are trying to portray? Do our lives truly reflect what we want others to see in our lives? I can only speak for myself, I know that I have days that I don’t. I’m not perfect, I get grumpy, I get fed up, and I get tired. It’s not easy always trying to do the right thing. I have often cried out to God, why am I doing this? The answer is always the same, because no matter how hard it is to follow God my life without it is a mess.

There is joy and peace when I turn my life over to God. I smile, I laugh, and I enjoy my life.  I have friends that I can count on, family who are beside me in whatever I do. My life is truly a blessing, and if I didn’t live the way I do I would be throwing away everything that God has done in my life. I live my life as a representation of Christ on earth, not because I’m perfect, not because I care what everyone else thinks of me. I live because I care what Christ thinks of me, because of everything He’s done in my life. My life is not my own, because it’s His, and that is how I live.