In this quest to follow God's will I looked for bibically based information, information that is taken from the word of God. What I found reeked of condemnation. In one case I found a study that spoke so vehemently against divorce that it gave the opinion that remarriage after divorce was wrong and every sexual act with your remarried spouse was an act of adultery. I don't know about you but that was a blow for me. Really? That sucks! Why get married in the first place? Screw it, if I'm going to be condemned for wanting to share my life, for wanting a partner, why should I even try? This is what goes through my mind.
As you can see this is another part that is not fun. Divorce is a sin, yes, I saw for myself the pain I caused God's heart and I repented then and there. Should this however keep me from dating? Or remmarriage in the future? I don't want to be this great sinner or have condemnation weighing on me.
The bible does say in Romans 8:1 "There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." That's the part that we all know and quote, the problem is there is more to the verse. It continues, "Who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." So yes, we can say there is no condemnation, but not because I can do whatever I want. I can't just say screw it and figure that I will be fine to do whatever because I love God. It doesn't work that way. We can't live in the flesh, do whatever we please with no condemnation. If we walk according to the Spirit, if we make sure our lives line up with what God calls us to, there is no condemnation.
For me and maybe many other divorcees out there we have faced rejection in the church. Single moms toting their kids around are easy to spot in a crowd. We wear the big red D out of shame. We can't go back and erase our past, what brought us here. Many of us have children that life wouldn't be the same without. I don't want to erase that, I love my kids.
Where does this leave us divorcees? Who in some peoples eyes are adulterers for being divorced, it's not fun to think about.
This is where in my humble opinion it leaves us. We are called to follow God, to die to our flesh and live by the Spirit. If we seek to live our lives according to God's will there is no condemnation. There is no dry erase to take away the sins of our past. Our sins will be with us, we don't have to live by them or let them ruin our lives. We all have some type of sin, regardless of who we are. Our past, our sins do not define us.
I will do my best to make right choices, to live a life that relfects the love of God. Each person is called to their own path and their own choices even when it's hard.
Dating and divorce; date respectfully, if you have children don't get them involved. Date with compassion, remember we are all flawed people. Date with discernment, we all have flaws, know what you can live with. Date with support, keep those who want what's best for you in the loop. They will remind you what your emotions make cloudy. Figure out your flaws, what is it that you can do better. Choose wisely, let's face it we are divorced because we didn't choose wisely before.
To date or not to date is up to you. There is no condemnation, as long as you live by God's standards and not your own.
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