More than this

     It is often hard to put into words what I am feeling in my heart. My fingers can fly fast enough along the keyboard to get out what is inside. Those who know me have seen there has always been something different about me. I have had a constant struggle in my life with putting others or myself first. When I put others first it is so rewarding and I know I am where I need to be. When I put myself first my life ends up in a mess.
     What is the point of this life? Is it to make money? To live comfortably? The money that I make, the house I live in, the car I drive, they are all nice things to have. They are meaningless. I lived in a nice house had the "perfect" family as some would say and the truth was it wasn't. I understand that life is not perfect and we will all face difficulties no matter how much money we make.
     I know there is more for me to do, more for me to accomplish. There is something beyond school and my job for my life. I can't explain what it is I just know it's there. I have a dream in my heart to help others and I can't do it on my own. I am not in a position to help others like I wish I could. The only thing I can do is trust God and let him work in his time.
     Have you ever noticed the more God wants to do something with someones life the harder it is for them? There are a good many people who have overcome some hard things to be able to do what God has called them too. Sometimes it is those very things that are required in order for God to use us.
     I grew up knowing my life was supposed to be different, that I had a calling on my life. I walked away from it, walked away from God and my life was changed and not in a good way. It took a lot of pain and suffering to find my way back to God. Even after doing that there are still consequences for the choices that I made. I could have used that to get me down or to give up but I won't. I keep going I have a new outlook on life because of it. I have new people I can talk too, new experiences I have to share.
     My choice to walk away from God was not the smartest thing to do but he can use it for good. He has brought people into my life, mentors that have helped me, experiences that can be shared. I have said it and will say it again, I am willing. I am willing to be used by God in a whatever way I can be. I don't want my life to be all about what I was able to do but what God is able to do through me.