At 200 pounds I was told to look in the mirror and appreciate my body for what it was. Each and every part of it, stretch marks and all. It was difficult at first, what could I appreciate my body for? Then I started to think of little things, my arms that carried my children, my feet that took me where I needed to go, my knees that bent so I could get down to my children. Even the stretch marks, I was able to appreciate, each one evidence of new life.
Lately it's been hard to appreciate my body, you would think after such a life changing experience that I would be able to appreciate it at my weight of 135. The truth is it's been a struggle. After losing so much weight and getting down to a lowest weight of 121, the scale reading 135 feels like a failure. I look at my reflection and all I see is the muffin top.
It's easy to look at others and see how thin they are and be jealous of what they look like. They are thinner, prettier, more fashionable, and you are a bump on a log. I've had those days, and yesterday I had a total God moment. The thing is my God moments take a little while because I'm very stubborn and hard headed.
My God moment started at the gas station of all places. I saw this middle aged woman, she was extremely thin, so much so that while she didn't look unhealthy you could tell she was just plain thin. She wasn't fancy, she wore casual clothes and tried to hide parts of her body. There was a tinge of jealousy when I saw her, because she was so thin. When I took that moment to really look I realized I will never look like that. I would never want to look like that. I have been to point of looking unhealthy because I was so thin, and it's not worth it.
Later at church the assortment of women was great, from thin to heavy, from fashion forward to I'm here and I'm dressed. I looked over at the young single women where my sister sat and they all had makeup and cute clothes. The table I sat everyone was comfy, some wore makeup, others didn't. I personally had thrown on a top that would hide my dreaded muffin top and instead of heels a pair of flat slip ons. I wore jeans because my legs aren't quite summer ready, I felt not so pretty.
As the lesson was about what to wear, oddly enough. It wasn't clothes that was the topic of information but the things of God that we clothe ourselves with. I'm telling you, when God has something to say He will reiterate it over and over again until you get the point.
At first my thought was, the only person who has to be happy with the way you look is the person you end up with. The person who will see you day after day for the rest of your life. As nice of thought as that may be, there is truly only one person who has to be happy with your body, You. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me, how thin or fat I am, if my clothes are the latest fashion or not, it matters what I think. We push ourselves to be that thin girl in the magazine or the one on TV, at what cost?
I want to be healthier in my life, I know the difference that it makes. I know it's better for my mood, hormones and all the other little things. I work out because I want to be healthy, I want to be able to run and play with my kids. I don't want to worry about illness, that is why I'm doing something about it. Day by day, little by little, no longer do I try to attain the "thin" look, I want to feel good about me.
Don't let comparison steal your joy. ~ Theodore Roosevelt.
Lately it's been hard to appreciate my body, you would think after such a life changing experience that I would be able to appreciate it at my weight of 135. The truth is it's been a struggle. After losing so much weight and getting down to a lowest weight of 121, the scale reading 135 feels like a failure. I look at my reflection and all I see is the muffin top.
It's easy to look at others and see how thin they are and be jealous of what they look like. They are thinner, prettier, more fashionable, and you are a bump on a log. I've had those days, and yesterday I had a total God moment. The thing is my God moments take a little while because I'm very stubborn and hard headed.
My God moment started at the gas station of all places. I saw this middle aged woman, she was extremely thin, so much so that while she didn't look unhealthy you could tell she was just plain thin. She wasn't fancy, she wore casual clothes and tried to hide parts of her body. There was a tinge of jealousy when I saw her, because she was so thin. When I took that moment to really look I realized I will never look like that. I would never want to look like that. I have been to point of looking unhealthy because I was so thin, and it's not worth it.
Later at church the assortment of women was great, from thin to heavy, from fashion forward to I'm here and I'm dressed. I looked over at the young single women where my sister sat and they all had makeup and cute clothes. The table I sat everyone was comfy, some wore makeup, others didn't. I personally had thrown on a top that would hide my dreaded muffin top and instead of heels a pair of flat slip ons. I wore jeans because my legs aren't quite summer ready, I felt not so pretty.
As the lesson was about what to wear, oddly enough. It wasn't clothes that was the topic of information but the things of God that we clothe ourselves with. I'm telling you, when God has something to say He will reiterate it over and over again until you get the point.
At first my thought was, the only person who has to be happy with the way you look is the person you end up with. The person who will see you day after day for the rest of your life. As nice of thought as that may be, there is truly only one person who has to be happy with your body, You. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me, how thin or fat I am, if my clothes are the latest fashion or not, it matters what I think. We push ourselves to be that thin girl in the magazine or the one on TV, at what cost?
I want to be healthier in my life, I know the difference that it makes. I know it's better for my mood, hormones and all the other little things. I work out because I want to be healthy, I want to be able to run and play with my kids. I don't want to worry about illness, that is why I'm doing something about it. Day by day, little by little, no longer do I try to attain the "thin" look, I want to feel good about me.
Don't let comparison steal your joy. ~ Theodore Roosevelt.
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