100th BLOG!!!!

This blog should be one of celebration and that has amazing things to say. I have nothing amazing to say on this day. I don't have a whole lot of great things to say at all. I try to keep my blogs upbeat and I write when something hits me that needs to be said, something that if I don't speak up I will burst. There hasn't been much for me lately and I've purposely stayed away from my computer the last week, because my heart hurts.
I've had only one relationship since my divorce, and it ended last week. To see the two of us it would seem that things were perfect, and it was a wonderful relationship. It nearly was. He was kind and sweet and out of the pages of a book. Even at the very end he was a true gentleman. It would have been amazing, except the thing that couldn't be changed.
Today I feel like I may remain single for the rest of my life. It's not that I don't want to have a relationship, but looking at my life and the way things work it seems like it's the easiest thing to do. The great writers, Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott ended their days alone, I dare say they would not have been as great of writers if they had gotten married. Am I destined to be alone to follow the call of the pen? Or perhaps my day to shine as a writer has just not come yet, maybe with time and a little more life experience the words will flow.
I was once told by a mentor of mine that I was set apart. It's not an easy thing to hear when you see people around you doing what they want to do, enjoying life without second thought. There are days that I wish my life was that easy. The purpose of this is not to say that I'm better than anyone, because I know that I'm not and my clearly human flaws are evident. The whole premise of being "set apart" is because of what I know, and what God has brought me through in my life.
I survived my marriage, but just barely. The girl who came out of it was quiet and scared, and had learned not to trust anyone. I was being overtaken by the pain and if it continued much longer I can't say that I would have survived. God brought me through it, and not only did I survive, I thrived. The woman that I am today is not afraid to speak up, not afraid of what people can do, because I know God can do bigger.
Being "set apart" means more then just not following the crowd, I've never been one to follow the crowd and sometimes that has lead to problems for me. Set apart means to follow God, even if everyone else thinks it's all fine and dandy, doesn't mean it's right for me. I can't do what I feel in my heart is wrong, because at the end of the day I'm the one who has to stand before God and justify my actions, not anyone else's.
This isn't out of my own strength that I am able to hear what God has to say and listen. It's not because I'm so great of a Christian. The only thing I can attribute it to is knowing His word, there are so many people that will tell you what to do. There are tons of books on what God wants you to do with your life, how to live a godly life. When it comes down to it, there is only 1 book that you need to read, over and over again, until you get the picture, it's the Bible. When you are in it, the question of what do I do with my life doesn't exist. You know what to do with your life.
For a little while I got lost, I felt confused and I doubted what God wanted to do in my life. This great thing happened and I found myself in His word. I know what to do with my life, and right now it's to seek after God. To continue to be of service where I can, to live a life that reflects His love to others, and keep writing. 

Confession is good for the soul

After a weekend long of migraines I was able to get to a church service I had been missing. A young adults group and the topic of the day was confession. In itself it's a scary word that most people will avoid at all costs. In confessing we have to tell someone else what is wrong with our life, and once we do that it's not good enough just to confess it, we have to do something about it.
James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. NIV.
There are so many things that we tend to struggle with when we confess, the first starts even  before we confess it. It starts with us realizing we have to confess it. That realization says that we know something is wrong in our life, it takes us out of the denial that we so often live in. Generally the realization comes from conviction in our life. We know in our heads the right thing to do, but it's a matter of doing it which is where it gets harder.
Confessing it to someone isn't any easier then realizing it's an issue, we have to be willing to lay our issues in front of someone who isn't going to let us slide on it. We have to speak to someone who will be honest and up front with us, no sugar coating. We live in a world of sugar coating, it's all about me and me being happy.
Then comes the part of doing something about it, do we really have to? That's where it becomes the worst. We know that something needs done, something needs to change and we have someone who will ask us about it, but the move is ours. We can't push it off onto someone else, we can't leave our change in someone else's hands. It's not easy, it's not fun and it's why we often continue doing what we know is wrong, because it's just easier to live that way.
It's easier but it's not better, it brings about an inner torment that we constantly have to stuff down and try and hide. How can we live at peace with others if we don't have it inside ourselves? The things we push down will eventually come up and when they do, it will not be pretty. It's like the dirt under your skin. If you've ever had a bad pimple you know that you want to hide it from the world, it comes up and you try everything you can to get rid of it and it just doesn't go away. You try and cover it up but it doesn't work, the cover up only makes it worse. We have to cleanse it, the faster we treat it and correct it the sooner it goes away. The blemish that was so clearly visible will go away, but if we leave it, continue to pick at it will stay. Confession is good for the soul, cleansing of our lives to make us blemish free.