Writing

I was challenged that I should be writing more in my blog. It's true, it's something I should be doing more of but sometimes life gets in the way. Along with working full time, going to school, homeschooling my kids, spending time with my amazing boyfriend, I am also working on losing weight and being healthy. 
Busy! My life is so busy. The good news is I needed an extra class for school and instead of taking basket weaving I am taking Creative Fiction. The class is something that is right up my alley. I have been writing fiction for years but I have never had any professional feedback. I was hoping that my Professor would be an author, but this was not the case. The feedback that I have gotten from my class is not what I expected. While I did get some I had more telling me that they loved my work. 
Does this mean that I have a real career in writing? It's always been my dream but with the amount of writers and books out there it's a hard thought that I could make a difference. Why would anyone pick my book over someone else's? These are things that I ask myself. I know that I have written things that I like to read and others around me enjoy. That's only a handful of people. I have self published two of my books and while they have reached a small market, they aren't huge hits. Both of them were written before the time I was 18 years old. I was so young! My writing and my writing style has changed since then. 
I tried writing a book that was loosely based on my life and in the end it didn't work. There was no end. I didn't know how it was supposed to end. I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. Pages of a book that has no point.  In the end it wasn't really about my life. I started a story with no point and that seems to be my issue. There are so many great ideas but if there is no ending how do you begin? 
I finally found a story that I have an end to. I can't tell you about it or you would never read it. It just came to me and I wanted to write it. I have been writing it for about a year and a half now. It's not over yet, but I've also started school since that time so my writing got stalled a bit. It's far from over, but it's not far either. Such is the curse of writing. You have the thoughts running through your head and you never want it to end. Once you put a story on paper it's out for the world to see. I have unlimited potential with my story, until it's done. When it's over, it's gone. It's like holding on to a dream. 
I am going to keep writing, even in the busy times of my life. It's not about the story itself, it's the need to write. We will see what next week brings and if I'm able to write in my blog. Perhaps I will keep it up. 
It's been a good 3 years of putting myself out for all to see. It's exhausting I tell you but I enjoy putting the words on paper. The sound of my fingers hitting the keys. I hope that those of you who read this enjoy it. Maybe, just maybe I may put a preview of my latest work out. 

100th BLOG!!!!

This blog should be one of celebration and that has amazing things to say. I have nothing amazing to say on this day. I don't have a whole lot of great things to say at all. I try to keep my blogs upbeat and I write when something hits me that needs to be said, something that if I don't speak up I will burst. There hasn't been much for me lately and I've purposely stayed away from my computer the last week, because my heart hurts.
I've had only one relationship since my divorce, and it ended last week. To see the two of us it would seem that things were perfect, and it was a wonderful relationship. It nearly was. He was kind and sweet and out of the pages of a book. Even at the very end he was a true gentleman. It would have been amazing, except the thing that couldn't be changed.
Today I feel like I may remain single for the rest of my life. It's not that I don't want to have a relationship, but looking at my life and the way things work it seems like it's the easiest thing to do. The great writers, Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott ended their days alone, I dare say they would not have been as great of writers if they had gotten married. Am I destined to be alone to follow the call of the pen? Or perhaps my day to shine as a writer has just not come yet, maybe with time and a little more life experience the words will flow.
I was once told by a mentor of mine that I was set apart. It's not an easy thing to hear when you see people around you doing what they want to do, enjoying life without second thought. There are days that I wish my life was that easy. The purpose of this is not to say that I'm better than anyone, because I know that I'm not and my clearly human flaws are evident. The whole premise of being "set apart" is because of what I know, and what God has brought me through in my life.
I survived my marriage, but just barely. The girl who came out of it was quiet and scared, and had learned not to trust anyone. I was being overtaken by the pain and if it continued much longer I can't say that I would have survived. God brought me through it, and not only did I survive, I thrived. The woman that I am today is not afraid to speak up, not afraid of what people can do, because I know God can do bigger.
Being "set apart" means more then just not following the crowd, I've never been one to follow the crowd and sometimes that has lead to problems for me. Set apart means to follow God, even if everyone else thinks it's all fine and dandy, doesn't mean it's right for me. I can't do what I feel in my heart is wrong, because at the end of the day I'm the one who has to stand before God and justify my actions, not anyone else's.
This isn't out of my own strength that I am able to hear what God has to say and listen. It's not because I'm so great of a Christian. The only thing I can attribute it to is knowing His word, there are so many people that will tell you what to do. There are tons of books on what God wants you to do with your life, how to live a godly life. When it comes down to it, there is only 1 book that you need to read, over and over again, until you get the picture, it's the Bible. When you are in it, the question of what do I do with my life doesn't exist. You know what to do with your life.
For a little while I got lost, I felt confused and I doubted what God wanted to do in my life. This great thing happened and I found myself in His word. I know what to do with my life, and right now it's to seek after God. To continue to be of service where I can, to live a life that reflects His love to others, and keep writing.