Happily Ever After

Once upon a time, I believed in fairy tales and thought they would come true. My journey through adulthood quickly taught me that there was more to life than fairy tales. Plus, if you ever really read a fairy tale, they are pretty messed up. The heroine dies or some evil befalls her, it isn't all happily ever after.  
Once upon a time I wrote a blog, a blog that was sure that there was no happily ever after. I can remember that I was sitting in my bedroom, in my parents house, a single mother with two kids, working full time in a job that was stressful to say the least. When I wrote that blog I was convinced that there was nothing in life to be completely happy about. I was convinced that even if you found someone, there was no happily ever after.
This blog is a retraction of that. I truly did not know how good life could be when you have the right people in it, and you have hope for your future. I have often lived by the verse Jeremiah 29:11, "for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future," (NIV). It saw me through many hard times, but there was a while when I didn't see the hope in anything.
I have come a long way since then, and I am still working on me. My marriage to a wonderful man has not only given me a happily ever after, but reminded me that there is something to look forward to. Now I will tell you that marriage is not the answer to all of life's problems. There will still be disagreements and marriage is not a fix all. It is an amazing start to a wonderful journey.
I'm still in the newlywed phase. I can't help but stare at my ring finger and smile when I see the symbol of our commitment. I am excited about this new chapter in our lives and look forward to what tomorrow may bring. 

Why waiting matters

The truth is according to the world I'm all good to go ahead and do whatever I want. As an adult I am free to make my own choices on what I do with my body. There is no reason, people say that I can't do what I want. It comes down to what I want, the desires of my heart is what seeps out when all else fails.  The number 1 truth comes that I live in my body, but it's not my own. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:20.

This is part of what drives me, but there are many more reasons not to have sex before marriage. The deal is I have been called a prude, I have been told that no one does that anymore, everyone will eventually. I am honored to say I know people who made the right choice the first time around and saved themselves for marriage. I was not one of those people who was able to hold to my standards the first time around.

When I was a teenager I made the pledge to save myself for marriage, but hormones and a lack of self control stood in the way, plus my own selfish pride. To be honest, the raging hormone thing doesn't get easier with age, it doesn't go away. As an 18 year old girl I met a boy who told me things I wanted to hear, he made my hormones go and my brain shut off. The smart girl that everyone knew had been lost to a girl whose hormones ruled her. I didn't think straight. There were warning signs from the beginning and if I had paid attention I would have seen them. Instead I wanted the feelings, it was about making me feel good. Despite my families protest I ended up marrying the man I was warned about. 

Now you may say, just because you had one bad experience doesn't mean you need to be celibate. It's a choice that I make, and each person has to find their own reasons. 

My reasons are my own, but they are simple. I have respect for myself. The old saying goes, when does a woman have sex? Whenever she wants. I could go out and find someone to have sex with, it's not that hard, but I respect myself and don't let just anyone near me. Now I know most won't go out just to find someone to have sex with, but what about the long term boyfriend? He's different, isn't he? Key word here boyfriend , no matter how much he says he loves you, actions speak louder then words. A boy who pushes you to have sex is just that, he's not seeing who you are as a person. 

True love waits. I know, you've heard it all before, but true love is more then a feeling. It's respect, communication, caring and forgiveness from both parties. 

Waiting is respect, when you love someone you respect their beliefs and their body. Waiting is communication, when you hang out if you aren't making out of having sex, you have to talk. You have to get to know the person you are with. Waiting is caring, enough about the future that you know that things can wait. 

Waiting is trust, this is a huge one. This one person that you have chosen, you want to spend your life with them and no one else. The trust you place in them is huge. You make yourself vulnerable in every way, baring your soul to this person and in a way placing your life in their hands. That is a lot of trust to give one person. Trust can be built and more easily broken. Someone who waits for you, who can fight with you and still be there even with no sex, wants to hang out with you, talk with you, just for being you builds trust. If someone is willing to sleep with you outside of marriage how easily would they do the same with someone else?

There are many things you need to know, to learn about a person before walking down the aisle. Being sure that you want to be around them for who they are instead of the feelings they give you is the most important thing. Will they be there when the going gets tough? Will they stand beside you when things are going wrong? Knowing that the one person you are walking towards thinks you are important enough to wait for, to treat with respect, and not be blinded by sex and emotions is the best feeling. We are all human, not all of us make it that far. For me, these are the reasons that I wait, the things that drive me. I want to walk down the aisle and cut the wedding cake, knowing that the best is yet to come. 

Love is...

I am a writer, so my constant effort is to write something that will be remembered, something that will stick in people's minds. My blogs that I write are not only an effort to find healing and tell my story but it's my writing outlet. I have novels that I have been working on but I'm currently facing a severe case of writers block. My intention tonight was to work on that novel, but it sits next to me with pages yet to be written.
I was told by a friend that their favorite line that I had written was one that was written about food. Mind you this was not a line that was written about a nutritious healthy food, in fact the line goes like this "They are cholesterol filled, carb ridden, tasty tools of destruction." This sentence is what is being remembered. My rebuttal is that there are better lines that I have written and even been used as a Facebook status. So instead of writing a completely new blog, as half of it is, I'm pulling out the old. This blog comes to you, courtesy of me, circa 2010. If you had me on Facebook way back when I used to write my blog from there. I was in a place of questioning who I was after being in a place that I didn't understand, but from it came one of my most quotable lines. Ladies and Gentlemen for your reading pleasure,  I bring you.....

Love is

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Is it possible to miss something that you have never had? It seems like everywhere we go people are all talking about love and finding the one true love. Romance movies make it seem like it is the only thing in the world that matters. It is important there is no denying that. That is why man and woman were created to be there for each other, to be companion and friend. It seems that it has been twisted all around, it is no longer about the true love but about the desire of the moment.

True love protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres, it's patient and kind. How can we be so easily misled to believe that a lifelong companion can skip all those things. Love protects, it protects your good name, reputation, feelings and your heart. Love would not call you names or compromise you. Love trusts, the decisions that you make even if it does not agree love supports you. Love hopes, that even though things are bad it's going to get better. Love perseveres, there is no throwing in the towel, there is no giving up, it is stubborn that way. 

Love is patient, it can wait and it will wait. Regardless of your age it will wait, there is no rush. Love is kind, it takes into consideration your feelings and listens to your thoughts. It does not inflict intentional pain, physically, emotionally or mentally. 

This oh so great and splendid thing that love is shown to be on TV is only part of it. True love gives more of itself than expects of others. You cannot create love when there is none. It is not something that a person can switch on or off. It is a constant state of mind and heart.