Why waiting matters

The truth is according to the world I'm all good to go ahead and do whatever I want. As an adult I am free to make my own choices on what I do with my body. There is no reason, people say that I can't do what I want. It comes down to what I want, the desires of my heart is what seeps out when all else fails.  The number 1 truth comes that I live in my body, but it's not my own. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:20.

This is part of what drives me, but there are many more reasons not to have sex before marriage. The deal is I have been called a prude, I have been told that no one does that anymore, everyone will eventually. I am honored to say I know people who made the right choice the first time around and saved themselves for marriage. I was not one of those people who was able to hold to my standards the first time around.

When I was a teenager I made the pledge to save myself for marriage, but hormones and a lack of self control stood in the way, plus my own selfish pride. To be honest, the raging hormone thing doesn't get easier with age, it doesn't go away. As an 18 year old girl I met a boy who told me things I wanted to hear, he made my hormones go and my brain shut off. The smart girl that everyone knew had been lost to a girl whose hormones ruled her. I didn't think straight. There were warning signs from the beginning and if I had paid attention I would have seen them. Instead I wanted the feelings, it was about making me feel good. Despite my families protest I ended up marrying the man I was warned about. 

Now you may say, just because you had one bad experience doesn't mean you need to be celibate. It's a choice that I make, and each person has to find their own reasons. 

My reasons are my own, but they are simple. I have respect for myself. The old saying goes, when does a woman have sex? Whenever she wants. I could go out and find someone to have sex with, it's not that hard, but I respect myself and don't let just anyone near me. Now I know most won't go out just to find someone to have sex with, but what about the long term boyfriend? He's different, isn't he? Key word here boyfriend , no matter how much he says he loves you, actions speak louder then words. A boy who pushes you to have sex is just that, he's not seeing who you are as a person. 

True love waits. I know, you've heard it all before, but true love is more then a feeling. It's respect, communication, caring and forgiveness from both parties. 

Waiting is respect, when you love someone you respect their beliefs and their body. Waiting is communication, when you hang out if you aren't making out of having sex, you have to talk. You have to get to know the person you are with. Waiting is caring, enough about the future that you know that things can wait. 

Waiting is trust, this is a huge one. This one person that you have chosen, you want to spend your life with them and no one else. The trust you place in them is huge. You make yourself vulnerable in every way, baring your soul to this person and in a way placing your life in their hands. That is a lot of trust to give one person. Trust can be built and more easily broken. Someone who waits for you, who can fight with you and still be there even with no sex, wants to hang out with you, talk with you, just for being you builds trust. If someone is willing to sleep with you outside of marriage how easily would they do the same with someone else?

There are many things you need to know, to learn about a person before walking down the aisle. Being sure that you want to be around them for who they are instead of the feelings they give you is the most important thing. Will they be there when the going gets tough? Will they stand beside you when things are going wrong? Knowing that the one person you are walking towards thinks you are important enough to wait for, to treat with respect, and not be blinded by sex and emotions is the best feeling. We are all human, not all of us make it that far. For me, these are the reasons that I wait, the things that drive me. I want to walk down the aisle and cut the wedding cake, knowing that the best is yet to come. 

Why wait?

"You are never going to get a date that way!" "You are a prude!" "No one lives by those old fashioned values anymore." "You've already done it anyway." These statements were made from men who pronounced to be Christian on dating websites. I thought for sure that these men would hold the same values that I did, but it seemed I was way off.
Why would anyone say such a thing? Because I stood up for myself and what I believe in. In August of last year I went along with my youth girls to a purity conference. The speaker was amazing and she had a lot to say about what God wants to do in our lives. I already knew that I had taken the wrong path when I was younger, that lead me to make bad decisions. I have received not so nice feed back from many who are shocked at my current choice.
In August I stood behind my youth girls and I made the same choice and commitment that they did. Why? Because I'm in the same place. It doesn't matter that I'm divorced and have two kids, my choice to remain pure until marriage is still valid. It's not an easy stand to make, but what matters is when the person is right they will honor that.
I told a co-worker that I was having the religion talk with someone who I was interested in, her response was surprising to me. "I thought you weren't supposed to talk about religion in a relationship." After I picked my jaw up on the floor I had to answer what I learned to be true. You can't have a relationship without that conversation. Each person is different, values are different, there will be fights and some you will be able to get over easily. There are fundamental values that you can't change, what a person believes deep down will not go away. If you choose to not have that conversation, then what are you basing your relationship on? The mutual attraction that can fade with time and age on the body? There is so much more to what two lives intertwined mean.
My exes favorite line was "Sex has nothing to do with love." I heard it over and over and after while it became true. It was no longer out of love but out of duty. The truth is, it has everything to do with love. You give a piece of yourself, it makes your emotions kick something up to the next notch when it might not be worth your time. If anything is worth your time it will be that way without it. It's not the main event, it's not even the goal, it's part of the package.
Everyone has feelings and I won't deny that I do but I also know that I'm not alone. This choice is something that not everyone understands, and if they don't then that's on them. No matter what the person you have to face at the end of the day is you. If you can stand and know you can present yourself to God, you've done an amazing thing.