I am a dreamer

I am a dreamer, I am a doer, I am over run, I am tired, I am stressed out. I wish that I could say that things were different in my life right now but they are not. I have been in the same boat for a year and a half and it hasn't been easy. I broke down and cried yesterday and cried some more. I was very much not myself and everyone seemed to notice. 

I cried to my best friend and shared all my woes and the things that lay so heavily on my heart. I cried to my mom and told her all the things that had been bothering me. Neither of those conversations changed my life. Neither one of them was able to take away the stress, the pain, the weariness. 

I have been in many situations in my life and I have been in high stress. I have dealt with things that not everyone does. Does the amount of stress in my life differ from everyone else? Is it any more or any less then the next person? 

To be honest, I can't really tell you. I walked through some very difficult times and God was with me and I didn't feel the stress that I feel now. Does that mean that God is not with me? Does that mean that somehow I have failed in my relationship with God and because of that I am feeling more stress? 

Jesus says in Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  God, I am weary. My shoulders bear the weight of tension it has run me down with pain. 

Did this all occur all of a sudden? No, it has been something that slowly creeps up until you realize that you can't handle it anymore. 

I have tried to be this perfect person and I have known for a while that it wasn't going to happen, that I can't be that perfect person. I can't live up to all the standards of perfection that I ascribe to. I find myself looking at others and feeling like they have things together and I don't. 

The other conversation I had was with God, and He is the one who matters. Who in the end I have to ask myself how did I present myself before God? The thing is I have failed. I want to live the Godly life and be the best example for everyone but I find that I'm not. The question is where do I go from here? 

I'm not so strong. I am weak. Realizing that I am not God and I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing. I can give excuses, pretend that I haven't hurt people, but in the end it's not about me. It's about who I represent. As a Christian I show others who Christ is through me. 

I'm not a perfect Christian, there was a time when I thought it was and I thought I had it all together but what I realized is that I was a judge. I was blind to what God had brought me through and only saw others wrongs. 

This failure that I feel has opened my eyes to see some great things. It is that God is a loving and merciful God. He will hold us when we fail and fall. God is also a just God and will stand by what His word says. Do I trust that I am saved and will go to heaven? Acts 2:21 And everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved. That is a yes. The question is what will I do with the time I've been given until I get there? 

Calling Prayer Warriors

Have you ever been saddened by the state of the world? Turned off the news because you couldn't bear to watch it anymore? Feel your heart break because all you see is destruction and death? This is not for everyone, because some may say, well I just don't get that. That's okay, because I know there are a few who know the feeling, who have the pain in their heart when they see the chaos in the world around them.

This blog are for the chosen few, for the ones whose heart breaks for others. For the ones who get on their knees for strangers. The prayer warriors, the intercessors, who know they have been chosen for such a purpose. 

It's in going through trying times that your eyes can be opened. I have spent the last week and a half getting tried on many different levels, and it's not over yet. I'm still here, I'm still standing, and if anything it has given me more of a determination to not be overcome. I wonder when it will end; but I know that the more it continues, the more I press into God, seeking His will. He never promised it would be easy, he only promised that He would help us through it. "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

I know that God is going to see me through it, because of it I see the pain of others so clearly, not just the pain, but the trials. My sisters, friends, and church family, all facing their own trials. I don't claim to know what is going on in everyone's life, but I have had many in dire need of prayer. I see it not only in my circle, but all around me, in my community, in my county, in my state, in my world.

A while back I read the book Authority in Prayer: Praying with Power and Purpose. I didn't understand  how some people had authority in different areas while others did not. I was sure that anyone could pray for the nation and be effective. As I grow in my walk with God, I see that it's not always the case. God calls each person for a purpose. Each person can pray for the nation, join with the prayers of their brothers and sisters; but the purposeful discerned prayer comes from those who God has given authority and called for that purpose. 

God has called me to be a light to a darkened world, to shine where no one else can reach. It's not an easy job to stand on your own. As I drove home in the darkness I started praying for my community, my city, and my county. I knew that God had laid it on my heart, and given me authority in prayer over it. I looked out on the darkened night and knew that I had to stand as a light, and the word came to me that a dear woman of God spoke over me many months ago.

"Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house." Matthew 5:14-15 A single flame, alone can pierce through the dark, it may not get very far but it touches everything around it. One single flame can do so much but God is calling for more. 

Gideon stood with an army of men, sure that with his numbers they had a good chance at defeating the enemy. God then called him to lessen his numbers, so much so that in the end he was left with three hundred men. These men were the chosen, the called by God. They surrounded the enemy, and with a shout; "The sword of the Lord and of Gideon" They revealed their light, their flame, and the enemy fled. 

This is my battle call to the prayer warriors; pray for your church family, for your friends, family, and for your community, county, state, nation. There is no better time for us to get done on our knees and fight for those who can't or don't know how. Light your fire, let it burn, put it on a hill for all to see. For those of you who are called, share this with prayer warriors around you. The time is now, let us not put off another day what we can do for God right now.

"Judges 7, Matthew 5, 1 Corinthians 10." The Holy Bible. N.p.: Thomas Nelson, 1970. N. pag. Print.

Sheets, Dutch. Authority in Prayer: Praying with Power and Purpose. Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House, 2006. Print.